Yeah! My first job as RP Tutor! I hope I do well! I went a little long. I am so sorry if it's too long, I got excited. I haven't ever taught anyone the stuff I know about writing... Ok, let's begin!
The GrammarThen vs. Than - I looked at all your posts and each then was correct how you used it, though I will admit that Rogue didn't use it correct all the time. It's something many people have trouble with, so don't fret. You use 'then' when describing something comes after something else, and 'than' when you compare something. To give you an example, I'll use a mix up within the thread as an example.
"I'm just better
then you" He said jokingly.
Then doesn't work there, as he is comparing himself to Jayda. Than would be appropriate, right? Then and Than is simple when you get a hold of it. Then is time, Than is comparison.
There, Their, They're - Another one where many get the three confused. I looked at your posts, and actually found no mistakes with these three, though, funnily enough, Rouge messed up once. There is the one you use when you are talking about some noun, something, like the thunder, There was another boom. Their just simply shows possession, 'It was their food'. And They're is used when you want to say There Are. They're is just a contraction putting the two together. As an example from the post, I'll show what I mean.
"He smirked and the mad gave them
there food he ate quietly for a few minutes." - Rougue (Page 3, Post 1)
Do you see how the 'there' is wrong in the sentence? The correct one would be 'their' because it is their food, possessed by them.
Your and You're - I really find it slightly humorous that Rogue keeps making these mistakes and I've found none where you make these mistakes, but anyways, I understand confusion here too, it's another one of those common confusing word uses. Your is to show possession, such as, 'It was your idea!'. You're is used like They're, which is a combination of You and Are. A good way to tell if you're is right, is to put 'you are' in place and see if it still makes sense. As an example, I'll use a mistake I found in the thread.
"
Your just scared ill beat the crap out of you." He said jokingly, - Rougue (Page 1, Post 13)
To check it, place 'you are' where your is, and it becomes 'You are just scared', instead of 'It's your just scared', which doesn't work, right? So in this case, it would be you're, not your.
DetailDescribing People - I have a problem with this occasionally as well, it's just the mind set to do it. Let's do this in steps, I usually follow them anyways:
Step 1: Pick a Feature - I like to pick the eyes, but you can pick any part of a person, their mouth, ears, hair, whatever.
Step2: Picture the Feature in your Head - It takes some imagination, but I know you have imagination, just from looking at some of things you've posted. Focus on the picked feature. This is why I pick the eyes, because they show hidden emotions, and they are normally just are beautiful.
Step3: Write Everything that You See - This is the part most have trouble on, but it takes a lot of practice and time to do. If you keep at it, then you can get really great at it.
I'll give you an example for Sasuke's appearance, just off the top of my head:
Sasuke has dark grey eyes that show his inner hatred and hurt. Deep within those eyes one can see the pressure he puts upon himself, and the feeling of inadequacy. When in battle, his eyes show his determination, and how he likes fighting, in order to get stronger. He may not actually hate his enemies, but just one look into his eyes might say differently. When one thinks about his battle look, it is not actually hatred towards his enemies, but hatred towards himself, for failing to stop Itachi when he was younger.
Not my best, and for some picking something like the eyes doesn't work very well. Let's take a look at one of your apps to get a better idea of something that could apply to you:
"Jayda has long straight dark purple hair that goes all the way down to her hip, although she always keeps it up in a braid. She has bangs that sometimes gets in her eyes way but she can still see pretty good. She also has dark purple eyes, matches huh? Like every Inuzuka, Jayda has the red triangle-like markings on her cheeks. She has a light skin tone color.
Jayda usually wears a purple shirt that leaves both shoulders bare. Her right arm is bare all the way down to her elbow, from then on it is covered by a cloth that wraps around herself. Her left arm has the cloth covering her left shoulder and down, although it leaves her wrist open. She has gloves on each hands that kind of looks like bandages, a brown color, and on the back of her hand is metal like armor plate with the leaf symbol on it. She has dark purple shorts that go down to her knees. She has light brown shoes that have bandages wrapping around it. She has more brown like bandages covering below her knee down to her shoes. She keeps a chain on her neck for some reason." - HyliaKitty (
Jayda Inuzuka)
You seem to get how to describe the clothes fairly well, but the first paragraph isn't the best in the world, it's fairly good, don't get me wrong, but it is what you wanted help on, right? Let's start at the beginning of the first paragraph:
"Jayda has long straight dark purple hair that goes all the way down to her hip, although she always keeps it up in a braid. She has bangs that sometimes gets in her eyes way but she can still see pretty good."
That is a good amount of detail there. Let's see if we can get it even better. Let's try a method called 'Show not Tell', which is just as it says, don't tell us, show us. Compare the hair to something else, and try and avoid the 'be' verbs (a good rule of thumb for everything actually, even in the posts; the be verbs are 'am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been), a few is unavoidable, I'll use a few too.
"Jayda keeps her hair to about her hip, in a tight braid, to help keep it out of the way when she moves around a lot, such as in a fight, or simply running down the halls of the Ninja Academy. Her long locks, a dark purple in color, tend to be unmanageable and tends to frizz when her hair isn't in a braid. Who wouldn't keep their hair up when it never wants to cooperate? The hair not pulled into the braid takes up the position in front of her face, seeming to block her eyes, though she can see just fine through the bangs."
Now, I do admit, it's not my best work, by far. You've caught me in a mood where I am more of a situational describer than person describer, but I can still do my best. Personally I think you've got the hair down well enough, though the next part could use some more work:
"She also has dark purple eyes, matches huh? Like every Inuzuka, Jayda has the red triangle-like markings on her cheeks. She has a light skin tone color."
Unlike how you described the hair, the eyes and her skin are barely touched on. What one must do to describe a person really well, is make an equal description on each section of the body. I usually separate appearance into eye, hair, and body. The eyes and body are lacking. Aim for at least two sentences each for each part of the body, more is much better though.
Let's see what I can do to make this better:
"Her dark purple eyes that seem almost black at times seems to match her long, dark purple hair. Those eyes show almost every emotion that she has, whether she is annoyed because of some lazy person, or if she's having fun with her pet dog Lupin. When angry, her eyes seem to pierce right into ones soul and can usually scare those she's angered by. The daggers she stares, compared to the soft fun-loving look she has when with Kiba, Lupin, or pretty much anyone she is friendly with, are quite different. One doesn't want to receive her glare."
That's with the eyes. Compare how they look in battle to when outside, when angry, sad, happy, etc. The eyes are the ultimate display of emotion, and if used correctly, can be one of the most powerful descriptions of the character. At least, that's me. I really like the eyes. Now with the body, my most lacking area of expertise:
"Jayda's skin is fairly normal for a light toned girl. When sick, she tends to pale and loose the ever so slight pink that usually is on her cheeks. She is short to compared with the others in the village, though for her age, she is more of an average height. In most ways, in fact, she is really small, skinny, short, and just simply small in most ways."
I noticed that in your original you didn't have her height or stature. It is one of the few musts I have come up with when describing the body. Compare her size to other people, older and then her age. Describe how skinny or big she is, and I don't picture her as overweight, but more like skinny as I described below.
I hope I haven't been rambling on this part, and I really hope it has been helping. So, here's a checklist for describing a person:
Hair[/li][li] Length
[/li][li] Color
[/li][li] Usual Style
[/li][li] No Style (on the off chance they can't have it in the usual style)
Eyes[/li][li] In Combat
[/li][li] Each Emotion Outside of Combat (or at least the ones that stand out to you)
[/li][li] Color
Body[/li][li] Skin
[/li][li] Height
[/li][li] Build
Clothes[/li][li] Kind of Each Piece of Clothes
[/li][li] Color of Each Piece of Clothes
[/li][li] Formal vs. Informal Wear
Out of the four sections of Character Description, you've got Clothes down the best, and then hair. Both eyes and skin was lacking about the same.
So after this checklist, the appearance section for Jayda would be:
"Jayda keeps her hair to about her hip, in a tight braid, to help keep it out of the way when she moves around a lot, such as in a fight, or simply running down the halls of the Ninja Academy. Her long locks, a dark purple in color, tend to be unmanageable and tends to frizz when her hair isn't in a braid. Who wouldn't keep their hair up when it never wants to cooperate? The hair not pulled into the braid takes up the position in front of her face, seeming to block her eyes, though she can see just fine through the bangs.
Her dark purple eyes that seem almost black at times seems to match her long, dark purple hair. Those eyes show almost every emotion that she has, whether she is annoyed because of some lazy person, or if she's having fun with her pet dog Lupin. When angry, her eyes seem to pierce right into ones soul and can usually scare those she's angered by. The daggers she stares, compared to the soft fun-loving look she has when with Kiba, Lupin, or pretty much anyone she is friendly with, are quite different. One doesn't want to receive her glare.
Jayda's skin is fairly normal for a light toned girl. When sick, she tends to pale and loose the ever so slight pink that usually is on her cheeks. She is short to compared with the others in the village, though for her age, she is more of an average height. In most ways, in fact, she is really small, skinny, short, and just simply small in most ways.
Jayda usually wears a purple shirt that leaves both shoulders bare. Her right arm is bare all the way down to her elbow, from then on it is covered by a cloth that wraps around herself. Her left arm has the cloth covering her left shoulder and down, although it leaves her wrist open. She has gloves on each hands that kind of looks like bandages, a brown color, and on the back of her hand is metal like armor plate with the leaf symbol on it. She has dark purple shorts that go down to her knees. She has light brown shoes that have bandages wrapping around it. She has more brown like bandages covering below her knee down to her shoes. She keeps a chain on her neck for some reason."
Two Paragraphs, to Four really well done paragraphs. Now if you just can't seem to think of anything to write and you get two or three sentences for one of the sections, put it in the same paragraph as another one of the main sections that is lacking as well. Two Paragraphs should be the minimum if you really want a good description.
Describing In PostsMy favorite! Though, luckily, this doesn't have as much information and checking as describing someone's appearance. Let's get the steps here first. They're more like Questions to ask yourself.
1.) Where is the thread taking place? Is it crowded? Is there not many around? What is going on around you character?
2.) What is your character's purpose for being there? Why did they come to where they are now? Are they trying to get somewhere in a hurry? Do they have a goal?
3.) What is the conversation about? What does you character think about what they are talking about? Is your character preoccupied with something? What does your character feel?
4.) In a conversation, are your characters simply standing there? Are they walking along the street? Why, if they are, are they simply standing there? What little movements does you character make? Do they cross their arms? Fidget a bit? Bang their head on their desk?
Number 4 is the one that I tend to see a lot on every forum I am on. I fall into the just standing there talking and thinking.
Anyways, ask yourself each of these questions, and place them into your post. Put as much as you can think of, even if it isn't very good. Description Mastery takes time. I'm not even that great at description and I've been writing for years. Heck I've seen sites where the members average 2000 words per post. I can't do that. Though the more you post, the more the next person has to write about.
Here's an example of a short Number 1 Post (Also called the Setting Post):
Sasuke was walking around the Hidden Leaf Village, not caring where he was going. As long as his gang of girls that seemed to follow him around wasn't near, he'd be fine. The streets were crowded, and in response, Sasuke jumped onto the roof of the nearest building in order to avoid the crowds. The roofs were not smooth at all, and he had to jump from building to building, but it was worth not being surrounded by all of those inferiors.
See how I focused on what was around Sasuke and not Sasuke himself? I'm sure you know it, and if not, that's ok, but that's the setting, surroundings. I could have added something on the weather, and the sun, or the shops that were around him specifically, like if he was passing the Ramen Stand or the Flower shop. The Setting Post is actually one of the easier ones for me.
Here's an Example of a short Number 2 Post (Also called the First Reponse or the Thread Starter):
Sasuke was in a hurry. There was a rumor that an Uchiha was spotted somewhere in the forest outside of the village. If it was Itachi, then maybe finally he would get his revenge. He couldn't let Itachi get away, if the information even was accurate.
Number 2 Posts are usually simply an element of a full post. Really they all are, but Number 2 especially. See how Sasuke was in a hurry. Why he was running through the forest. Why he wanted to get to the information in a hurry. What was he doing? Pursing intel that an Uchiha may be in the forest, and yes, he is so very hurried hoping the Uchiha hadn't left by the time he got there. Usually Number 2 posts are The First Response to a thread, whether starting it, or simply responding for the first time. Though, when one is in a hurry to get somewhere, that can be mentioned later and help with Number 3 and 4.
Here's an Example of a short Number 3 Post (Also called the Emotional/Thought Post):
Sasuke didn't know what was happening. Itachi was there right in front of him, his parents dead before him. This couldn't be happening. It felt like his heart had been pulled from his chest, wounding him for as long as he would live, which might not be long, if Itachi really wanted to kill him.
Number 3 Posts tend to take over my posts sometimes, and I have to watch it, but that's just me. See how I didn't focus too much on what was around him, what was happening around him, but what he was feeling and thinking? That's the whole basis of a Number 3 Post. How do they feel? Happy? Sad? Indifferent?
However, out of my list, Number 4 really isn't a kind of post, more of a helper. Number 4 has questions to help you not fall into a sort of post where it is only talking, and that means you have less to talk about. In the following examples they won't be good posts per-say, but it will help show what I mean here.
Here's a Bad 4 Short Thread:
"You're an idiot," Sasuke commented.
"Sasuke?" Sakura responded.
"What do you want?" Sasuke asked.
"I want to make you happy, Sasuke-kun," Sakura replied.
"I am happy. If you're not here," Sasuke laughed.
Sakura said nothing.
Sasuke walked away.
Ok. The Bad one was really... bad. It lacked any detail. Neither character did anything but talk. This is an over-exaggerated bad 4, but it gets my point across. Let's look at a slightly better one:
"You're an idiot," Sasuke commented rolling his eyes beginning to walk down the dirt pathway.
"Sasuke?" Sakura nearly whimpered as Sasuke slowly made his way down the road. Deciding to follow him, she jogged to catch up with him.
"What do you want?" Sasuke sneered not even gracing her with a glance, still walking away from her, not caring too much about her following him.
"I-I want to make you happy, Sasuke-kun," Sakura stammered still having to jog to stay with Sasuke.
"I am happy... if you're not here," Sasuke chuckled sending her a small grin, knowing her reaction would be perfect.
Sakura's mouth dropped slightly and she stopped trying to catch Sasuke. She stared as Sasuke walked away.
((You can tell a bit that I don't really like SasuSaku too much, though I can deal with it))
Anyways, if you look at it, it's much better than the one before. It has better 'talk' verbs and the little movements, such as Sasuke's small grin, and Sakura's mouth dropping slightly.
Now, to get the perfect post you must combine all of the elements, 1,2,3, and 4, especially 4. 2 is usually for the first post, but otherwise try to add everything in there.
Instead of giving you an example, I would like to see what you could do. Make just a random post, or improve upon an already existing post adding the elements I was talking about.
I dunno if I should ask to see if you could do some of the other stuff on your own, if you don't mind, tell me, and I'll tell you what I would like to see. Sorry for this being so long... It's my first RP tutoring session, and I got excited... This is longer than some of my chapters in the book I'm writing... Wow.
. I can probably expand on this, but I am in a bit of a hurry right now because practice is soon.